Wednesday 11/30

Three days in a row the NYT has decided to use this layout. It's repetitive and boring me. The British inquiry story's lede definitely had the right amount of intrigue to get me interested in the story. The story is definitely newsworthy and interests me because I'm a journalist. The language was a bit flowery and perhaps a  little biased. For example when the writer wrote, "...now more than familiar with outrageous tales of tabloid malfeasance." The ending was a bit awkward with the "Britishism" as the last line.

Tuesday 11/29

Again, I don't like the layout of today's Page One. The large chunk of text on the right is too much, and this could be solved by taking the Citigroup article and moving it to the left of the picture. The Egyptian vote article had a very good summary lede, with all the facts in place. The writer also had the first quotation in the third paragraph. I have had issues with other articles in the NYT because a lot of the writers leave quotes for half way through the article, when I've lost interest.

Monday 11/28

The layout of today's issue just seemed awkward to me.  think it's the placement of the picture of the Pakistani soldiers.Maybe they should have taken one of the side bars (like the bitter allies article) and placed it on the photo's left. I did not like the lede for the Rose Parade article. It gave me no information and was boring. It also needed a quote much earlier than the writer put one.

Tuesday 11/22

In the F.B.I. Informer article, I was glad that the writers explained why some of their sources wanted to remain anonymous. Sometimes the NYT avoids the reasons and just says the source wanted anonymity and leaves it at that. The Cuban families article had a good lede, and it made me a little interested to read the article. The second paragraph was long and I believe it's due to the embellishment the writer adds about the relationship between Cuba and the U.S.

Monday 11/21

Today I decided to read the National section. The Ortega article had a really good lede. I was interested because the headline mentioned extremism yet the lede started with a referee. By the end of the lede I was hooked into the article, which is exactly what it's supposed to do. The California University article was good, except I wanted more quotes and for the mayor to be introduced earlier and not in the last paragraph. The foster care article had a very powerful, attention-grabbing lede and had great quote placement; however, the last paragraph was too long. The last part of the quote was powerful, though.

Jaws Article

10-year-old Amity resident Alex Kintner was victimized this afternoon by what appeared to be a shark attack while swimming on an inflatable raft at Village Beach.

In a press release, Police Chief Martin Brody stressed that a shark attack is only a possibility for the sudden and bloody disappearance of Alex.

"[Alex's] body has not been recovered," wrote Brody. "His damaged raft floated ashore shortly after the incident with what appeared to be a large bite out of it."

It began as a beautiful beach day, with blue skies and calm waters, when Alex’s raft suddenly sank in an area of what appeared to be bloody water, leading to panicked children screaming and swimming away.

After parents rushed to get their children out of the water, Alex's mother, Marion Kintner, shouted for her son, but to no avail. Kintner is currently being treated at Amity General Hospital for shock.

After the attack on Alex, the Kintner family is offering a $3000 reward for the capture of the perpetrators.

Police are also looking into a possible connection between this attack and that of Amity teen Christine W. Watson, whose mangled body was found earlier this morning washed up on South Beach after going for a swim during a beach party last night. Her death was previously attributed to a motor boating accident.

“We now believer that it may be possible that the Watson death could also maybe have been linked to possible shark activities in the vicinity of Amnity,” wrote Brody.

Brody, Mayor Bob Farley, and the Board of Selectmen will hold a meeting tonight at 6 p.m. in the town hall. Included on the agenda are Brody’s plan to close the beaches on July 4, the Kintner family reward, and an offer to hunt down the shark by fisherman Ben Quint.

Wall Street Journal Crime Reporter

Corinne Holroyd

GSS Box 1975

Durham, NH 03824

(603) 769-0936

 ctl26@unh.edu

November 28, 2011

Wall Street Journal - Law Bureau

New York, New York

To whom it may concern,

My name’s Corinne Holroyd. I am writing to ask about and apply for the reporting position in your Law Bureau.

I have been writing for various papers since I was in high school. I wrote and edited for my high school’s newspaper, The Cavalier Chronicle, for two years. It was here I garnered a love for journalism and learned such valuable programs such as InDesign and Photoshop. During this time I also had my first internship with a local paper, The Hollis Times – in Hollis, NH – for a semester.

I currently write for The New Hampshire, the University of New Hampshire’s twice-weekly, student-run paper. During my freshman year I started contributing weekly right away. The executive editor, Thomas Gounley, noticed and hired me for a staff position in January of 2010.

I also have had pieces published for local papers from free-lance reporting during breaks from school, such as The Brookliner – a newsletter-style paper for the town of Brookline, NH – and The Hollis Brookline Journal – which serves both towns.

I easily make connections wherever I go, and would enjoy getting new sources in law enforcement and legal communities. In fact one of my uncles is a New York City Police Department as part of the Motorcycle Division.

I’ve had a passion for crime reporting since I was young. I would watch such shows as Law and Order, Criminal Minds, and CSI, but only recently discovered I can link my two passions in a career I would enjoy. I understand crime reporting is not for the faint at heart, and some might find it repulsive, but I find it interesting. I want this job because it’s never a dull or repetitive day.

Enclosed is my resume and application. I can be reached either by phone or by email.

Thank you for your time and consideration, and hope to speak with you soon,

Corinne Holroyd

Thursday 11/17

I liked the quote at the end of the new graduates article; however, I did not like the lede. It would have been better if the writer made the second paragraph short and the lede, instead of introducing the reader to a random person that isn't quoted until the end of the fifth paragraph. She is mentioned a few times before then, and I kept thinking, "So what? Where is she?" The article on Obama saying Marines will be in Australia was pretty good. The lede was the right type to choose, and the first quote was in the third paragraph. It was a sound, average article.

Wednesday 11/16

I like the lede for the Occupy article that asks a question at the end. It leaves me wanting an answer but knowing there isn't one. There was a lot of vague spots in the article concerning who was being quoted or sourced, mostly when the writer wrote, "they said." I just wish there was a more concrete source. The next article I read was the novelist opening a bookstore. I felt that a delayed lede would have served the article better, perhaps by taking the third to last paragraph with all of its description and twisting it into a lede. Lastly I read the chimichanga article, where the lede actually made me laugh because of the line "circling the chimichanga." This article was very repetitive in that it keeps mentioning how Arizona wants to make the "chimi" the state food. I felt that the quote from Sharisse Johnson would have fit better in between the second and third paragraphs. I also felt that the writer should not have written, "Hold up there," unless it was a direct quote from Carlotta Flores. On the A21 I didn't like how the writer put in "actually." If you're going to say something, say it straight out without having to correct yourself. I also found a spelling error, which is always fun ("calorie," not "caloric"). Lastly I feel that the writer should have introduced Tom Miller earlier in the piece instead of the last paragraph because it made the ending chunky. If he had introduced Miller earlier, he could have just used the quote he made in the last paragraph and gave the article a better ending.

Tuesday 11/15

The first article I read was the very short piece on Oakland, Calif., police clearing out the Occupy Oakland tent ctiy. It felt like there was more information that could have been given, but it was good for the assigned space. I just wish the quote had been used earlier. I also read the Rushdie v. Facebook article. I kind of wanted a direct quote of Salman Rushdie asking if Facebook would make J. Edgar Hoover change his online name to John Hoover. Also, the article had quite a bit of confusing backtracking, mentioning something then going back to what they were talking about two paragraphs before. I thought they had moved on, but apparently not. In the same way the article was a bit repetitive. Lastly, I love the Popeye quote at the end, it fit well and didn't end awkwardly.

Monday 11/14

In the Rio article (A4), the focus was supposed to be on cleaning the city's slums for the Olympics in 2016. After the lede, however, there is no mention of the Olympics. I feel that if you're going to title something/start with something, you shouldn't just mention it once and be done. The article was more focused on drug lords than the games the article claimed to talk about. I liked the article about the suspected Neo-Nazis in Germany and their arrests. The lede was a good, direct lede. Even though the ending quote was not attributed to anyone other than a "middle-aged man," I thought it was a good enough quote to print.

Thursday 11/10

Despite its brevity, I liked the Web Scam article. It was very efficient and to the point. I did wish there was more quotation or more attribution to sources for information, either that or move the quotations earlier on so there is less than just big blocks of information. It was, however, organized and got the information across. I also liked how it ended with information on how to find the program through the F.B.I. website.

Wednesday 11/9

I really liked the Air Force Mortuary article; however, I feel like a delayed lede about the arm being sawed off would have been more effective. Instead, the author decided to leave it until the end. I feel like this was a wasted opportunity. While it is a gruesome thought, it would attract more attention to the article. Also, the article ended rather suddenly and I found myself looking for the rest of it before I realized that WAS it.

Tuesday 11/8

In the Jackson Trial article, the entire lede was too dramatic for my taste. It sensationalized the story more than needed. The last bit, "a jury decided Monday," was necessary in the lede, but by putting it after the story of Jackson's doctor, the writer made it seem less important in a way. It just bothered me and it's difficult to put into words. In the Wal-mart/Banks article I think the writer should have started with Geoffrey Cardone's story instead of the lede they chose. If they delayed the lede a bit by telling the story of this everyday man I would have been more interested.

Monday 11/7

I went straight to the NYC Marathon pieces. The lede for the Kenyan Star article was awkward in the end because the Berlin record could have been left out or save for later and it would have flowed better. The entire article's organization was off. Instead of focusing on one race at a time, I had to figure out who ran which race, which was really confusing when there was multiple times in one sentence. Also, the ending was awkward and could have just been left out (as in the last sentence). In the article about the women's race, all I have to say is that the lede was very boring and didn't make me want to read the rest at all.

Thursday 11/3

One thing I noticed while reading the Japanese Tsunami Barrier article is that the writer constantly put "critics say." I want to know who these critics are. It bothers me because its such an important topic, with lives at stake. I don't want information from a generic "critic." I do like how the background information was provided in mostly the lede and first few paragraphs. It made it easier to follow the story. This is especially true for such a lengthy article. Other than that, I'm sick of reading about Herman Cain. It's being blown up, and I understand he's a presidential candidate, but it's just gotten too overused on Page One.

Wednesday 11/2

I decided to read the arts section and found that one of the first things I saw was Kim Kardashian's divorce. This is not news I was to see in an arts section, especially the first page. It's not important to me. However, the "The Fabric of the Cosmos" article is more what I thought the arts section should be about, not celebrity divorce. I love the writing in the "Fabric" article too. The lede (and the picture) was one of the reasons I read the article. In other words, it did its job.

Tuesday 11/1/11

One question: where are the quotes? I read the article about the trials in Haiti, and the first quote they have was five paragraphs into the article. I liked the lede, it definitely made me interested to read about the "legal spectacle" in Haiti. However, there were only two quotes in the first big chunk of text in the article (on Page One). In the Cain harassment article, there wasn't a quote until five paragraphs in again, and it was only a partial quote at that. Six words from Cain, then the reader has to turn to another page. I've noticed that the Times has issues with getting their quotes a.s.a.p. after the lede. It makes the articles a little boring, and makes them take forever to get started.